she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
