i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
