dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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