Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
