i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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