every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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