you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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