omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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