just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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