she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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