i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
