Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
