Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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