They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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