Sry I called you an 8
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
