At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
