My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
