You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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