This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
