im about as happy as oj after his trial
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
