at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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