I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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