I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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