Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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