Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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