Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
