i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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