my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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