I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
