everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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