Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
