shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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