operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
