Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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