I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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