hotel room ftw
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
