either way he was missing a nipple.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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