..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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