i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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