shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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