Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
