last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
