the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
