Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
