I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
