STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
