Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize