well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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