Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
