make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
