She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
