I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
