Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
