Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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