Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
