i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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