FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
