giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
