Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
this is an emotional support booty call
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
