she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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