so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Come see our sink grown plant.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
