He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
