OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
