Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
