Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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