I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
