You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
